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Splat Tim 12
Splat Tim 12 is the 12th installment in the Splat Tim franchise. As if I need to tell you that. Developed by Rare and the entirety of Hideo Kojima's body and produced by Nintendo. It was released in the fuuuuuturrreeee baby whoo. Development Splat Tim 11 was a controversial point in the series among fans. Outside of the microtransactions, it left a huge plot hole. How did Splat Tim survive? He was clearly dead at the end of Splat Tim 9. Hell, it's why Splat Tim 10 is a prequel. Love or hate Splat Tim 10, it did fill in holes left by Splat Tim 9, with why Splat Tim and Tina are now enemies further elaborating Splat Tim's downfall outside of "bad sales." Hideo Kojima is a fan of the Splat Timmies, and pitched his plot to Nintendo. They were going to fix all the issues Splat Tim 9 had in gameplay and fill in the missing link once between Splat Tim 9 and Splat Tim 11. Kojima gathered Rare to work on the game because. Uh. I dunno. BUT what makes this game unique is that runs on Laserdisc YET it runs on the Xbox One... and PC. This is done because this game is 1% game, 95% autofellatio and 4% movie. Plot Splat Tim 12 is set 3 years after Splat Tim 9 (hence being roughly 4 years after Splat Tim 10) but 10 years before Splat Tim 11 and a discernable amount of time before Splat Tim X. Yes, this will be on the exam. Splat Tim did indeed die at the end of Splat Tim 9. His ideals died... After Splat Tim awaken from his coma he saw the entire Pacific Ocean gone. The home of his ancestors just tarnished. It was the Chinese Communist Party's fault, but they died along with the Pacific Ocean's death. But it's not, solely their fault, however. A man by the name of Bloodninja (played by Keanu Reeves), Antifa's very own ninja wizard, approaches Splat Tim telling him to rise and shine splattereye. Bloodninja warned Splat Tim about this since Splat Tim 4 that the hierarchy is what's truly destroying the earth and him. America never cared about him, he was just a pawn in their fucked up 4D game of chess. If you want to save the planet, if you want to get something done. He has to... DOES IT. The Revolution has begun, Donald Jay Trump, Vladimir Putin, and Kim Jong-Un form together an axis to form a counter against the rising Antifa populous. The weeaboos are losing morale and their clone of Oda Nobunaga is scaring the living shit out of them. They decided to clone Hitler, but make him kawaii. So what they did is take a body of Hitler, steal Richard Spencer's flesh, get a bunch of Super Pochaco statues and melt them on the Hitler body (the bastards) and thus they created Ghiren from Mobile Suit Gundam. When he first made his speech he speaks entirely in Japanese and the weaboos don't understand him but they cheer on anyway with a huge boost in morale. Many a weeb gets to pilot a F1S-BD.MN Pepe Suit Zaku. Splat Tina hears rumors of Splat Tim still being alive and has to get the job done once and for all on the search for him. Antifa struggles against the Pepe Zakus, however, they have a back up plan, Bloodninja and many other virgins created the F1S-GD.MN Pepe Suit Gundam, which ofc Splat Tim pilots. Splat Tim has ben doesing really well up until Splat Tina, the master of the blade, slices the fuck out of it. As she's about to slice Splat Tim, Bloodninja jumps in sacrificing his life to save Splat Tim. Bloodninja at his dying breathe tells Tim to the use the ancient Joestar tactic and run the fuck away. Splat Tim cries and runs and eats hagen daz for a week but gets over it shortly after. Splat Tim goes through a training montage in the melting Antartica and returns to Florida to take on Splat Tina setting the franchise long score once and for all. Splat Tina tells him that peace is through Order. Chaos and Darkness is too much. If you punch people that want to genocide millions of people you are as bad as those genociders. That is the way of balance. Fascists of the Future will call themselves Anti Fascists according to Winston Churchill... Even though he never said that. Splat Tim is like "Yeah well it's not really balanced if it's all order now isn't it?" and the two fight. Splat Tim wins, leaving Splat Tina extremely wounded and then Antifa starts throwing milkshakes at her and she drowns in them. Splat Tim has to be the PRO-letriat gamer to end the bullshit once and for. He goes out to fight the three headed Ghidorah of motherfuckers of the neo axis. He firsts faces Oda Nobunaga, which Splat Tim introduces to him to Minecraft. Oda realizes his trans-gender daughter Hatsune Miku created it and says Trans Rights, gaining his dignity like that shitty episode of the simpsons where Homer got raped by a Panda. And that's the good part of the episode... Don't judge me. ANYWAY Splat Tim enters in Elon Musk's Martial Arts tournament, for charity (and tax evasion). Tim fights his way to fight MMA champion Vladimir Putin. Tim does that one fatality from the Mortal Kombat sprite flash movies where Scorpion rips out Johnny Cage's balls and they're like testicles of uranium so Splat Tim runs the fuck out of the building and it explodes. Then Splat Tim enters a no pissing context against Kim Jong Un, but lucking for us Splat Tim is an inkling they dont' drink water so Kim Jong Un's penis blows up and North Korea goes crazy that he can piss the entire time! Splat Tim now must escalate Trump Towers, now sponsored by Amazon. Splat Tim was once a friend of President Trump, but things changed. Splat Tim tells Trump to turn off the CO2, and Trump says no. They fight. Trump is a SNATCHER robot from SNATCHER the entire time, that's why he's like 70 years old and eats like complete shit. It's a long grueling battle, but Splat Tim eventually defeats the Donald. This activates the Jeff Bezo spiders where they toss water bottles of piss. They're one of the trickiest enemies in the game, and Splat Tim does a similar shot to Die Hard where he jumps out of the entire Trump Towers and it's all exploding of piss energy. Splat Tim gets up and sees Ghiren pointing a gun right his face. Ghiren makes a long speech that people like him will always be there to come forth and rise in power. The weak fears the strong and might makes right. Antifa is living proof that, as long as there is hentai of him, a new Ghiren will rise, and Splat Tina stabs him in the back. She understands freedom now and steps asides revealing skeletor on life support. AKA Bernie Sanders. He made Splat Tina change her ways. Bernie dies from having a heart attack of his own breath. Regardless, freedom now has been achieved and Splat Tim and Splat Tina make like... NO babies cause they're infertile... The End. Gameplay The gameplay is divided into several segments. You deliver bread and water in moment, the next you're piloting a Gundam, then you're shooting people, and you're in a fighitng game, a cooking game, a dane dance revolution game. The variety is real my friends. Reception Film critics loved the movie but felt the anti-capitalism scene was unnecessary and made them feel uncomfortable. But otherwise a solid 8/10 film for the children. Category:Games Category:Main Series Category:Delet this